August 2010
18 posts
Search your feelings
Who are you: somebody who happily participates in an activity involving a five-point harness (reverse bungee, the Apollo programme, the Dakar Rally), or somebody who shies away from anything to do with being strapped down for safety?
I got a nautical-themed pashmina afghan
Ahh. Nothing is more dull, fascinating, and intimidating than sharing a common space with beautiful young people. Bonus points if that space is the upper deck of a boat party where the playlist reads like a brazen suggestion to have inconsequential sex. I order a gin and tonic to steady my nerves (beautiful people make me nervous), and to silently reassure the PBR-wielding horde that no, I am not...
A clogged artery in the heartland
Wisconsin State Fair! Everything smelled like cheese and powdered sugar. Foods are divisive: does funnel cake thrill or frighten you?
We ate something greasy.
We ate something deep-fried.
We encountered local wildlife.
We tried to defy gravity…
…but were sent back to earth, humbled and queasy.
Why do we send people to war? Freedom? Liberty? Cheesecake on a stick?...
Quiz
I have a list of qualities I want to see in my ideal cetacean, but I don’t have a list of qualities I want in an ideal life partner. Between these two lists, which one is my mother (bless her heart) more concerned with?
Hint: She does not want me to marry a sperm whale.
Milwaukee Brewers vs Houston Astros
My cohorts and I find ourselves in the Loge Outfield Box of Miller Park with frozen margaritas and the same burning assumptions that come naturally to people not farmed in an environment conducive to the appreciation of baseball: football is our sport, and the Champions League our turf. We buy a pretzel bigger than our heads to disguise our fraudulence.
Everything in the stadium was built,...
Airport novel
“She was beautiful and I loved her,” he croaks in an unfamiliar baritone. A sigh, a slumping of the shoulders.
“Voice like hot asphalt and face like a bullet through the heart. I could—I could wrap two fingers around her wrist, like this.”
He slides his own wrist between his index and middle fingers, but he cannot close the space between his fingertips. His parts...
Select your desired field of study
From a New Yorker blog post dated June 11, 2010:
“One of the entertaining things about World Cups is that they allow us to query/confirm the national stereotypes we all carry about with us. Brazil plays “the beautiful game.” Argentina tries to do the same, but also has a darker side. Italian players foul and dive. African teams can’t defend. Team U.S.A. runs around with much enthusiasm but...
Idol worship
Concert-going young people everywhere are the same: the same patches of sweat, the same damp tickets crumpled in back pockets, the same insect-like chatter when the houselights are (regrettably) turned on at the end of a show.
The chatter is always about the same thing (That was so good), and it is always accompanied by an unspoken, sometimes unacknowledged sentiment (It is so good to be young)....
The National, or: This is the best Wednesday night...
The Antlers opened!
The National was so disarming, darling.
They were so stellar
that my reproductive organs
went haywire!
Here's a game!
Some countries force their young men (and sometimes their young women) to spend a few years of their lives in military service. When I run into someone who has spent time in the military under this circumstance, I wring them for thoughts on their time in fatigues.
Pair the following statements to the correct resentful serviceman! Your choices are: Israel, Singapore, South Korea, Switzerland.
i....
B♭
I’ve just realised that for what must have been at least the last thirty minutes, someone or something outside has subjected the entire neighbourhood to a very loud, very constant droning of indeterminate origin. It sounds like a leafblower making love to a vuvuzela, an idea that is less disturbing in words than in imagery.
